The Practices of Gratitude, by M.J. Ryan

[Blu]

Robwin: ok, now I will be quiet. unless someone wants to know the source for "OK" which I found out today
Merri: OK
Host-GG: Good, Robwin. Please share.
Merri: LOL
Robwin: lol
BluBearWoman: LOL, I'll bite. What is the source for OK?
BluBearWoman: OK

Host-GG: Father, Our God, please accept our thanks for this opportunity of exchanging ideas, greeting friends and especially asking for Your blessings of this room and its chatters. Thank you God. Thank you. Amen
BluBearWoman: Amen

Host-GG: Chapter 4, Part 2 of 3, The Practices of Gratitude, by M.J. Ryan
Host-GG: Continued
Host-GG: BE WILLING to EMBRACE WHAT SHOWS UP ~~ I have learned, in whatsoever state I am in, therewith to be content. ~~ Saint Paul
Host-GG: I once studied with a group that believed life is an active force at work on an individual. They believed that for every person, there are three circles of influence: you, other people, and life itself.
Host-GG: All three are interconnected and interpenetrating: just as you influence and are influenced by those around you, so does life influence and is influenced by you. (Many people believe that God operates in a similar way.)
Host-GG: I found the idea quite reassuring. Instead of feeling alone in an uncaring, random universe that threw trouble my way willy-nilly. I could take comfort in feeling that there was some two-way relationship between life and me.
Host-GG: . Which might also mean that there was a good reason that certain things showed up and not others. This made it easier for me to be content with what happens in my life rather than always yearning for something else.
Host-GG: Such contentment is important to cultivate, because life has a way of throwing us curves. We want a Persian cat, but a stray lands at our doorstep; we want to have a baby but are plagued by infertility; we want that fabulous new job, but are passed over; we want to be married to the man of our dreams, but get involved in a series of short relationships instead.
Host-GG: Unless we embrace what shows up in our lives, we will never get the benefits of the lessons life is trying to teach us: We’ll never love the mutt, adopt a baby, be available for the even better job, or learn the skills that a long-term relationship requires.
Host-GG: It is only by being grateful for what is that we experience contentment, and it is contentment with what is that makes us happy in the moment ~~ and available to whatever else life has in store for us.

Host-GG: Try the following practice for a week. In the course of your daily life, whenever you encounter something that is not your idea of a good thing, ask yourself, “If everything that is happening is right, how is this right?” What’s right about the fight with your mother, the fender-bender, your aching back?

Host-GG: Without negating what’s wrong, ask yourself what function or need is the event serving? Maybe what’s right about the fight is that you are learning to say No; maybe the fender bender is a wake-up call that you are too stressed out; maybe your aching back is a reminder that your body wants some exercise;
Host-GG: Again, this is not to deny, suppress, or ignore the difficulty or pain you might be experiencing, but rather to take the meaning from the suffering so that the lesson won’t have to be learned again. At the end of the week, reflect on the experience. What changed in you as a consequence of looking for what’s right?
BluBearWoman: Hi Cris
Host-GG: LOOK for the HIDDEN BLESSINGS of DIFFICULT SITUATIONS ~~ some people once brought a blind man to Jesus and asked him “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” They all wanted to know why this terrible curse had fallen on this man.
Host-GG: And Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the words of God might be manifest in him.” He told them not to look for why the suffering came but to listen for what the suffering could teach them. ~~ Wayne Muller
Host-GG: Had any one heard this quote before? Isn't it truly meaningful?
Cris7: It is often in church sermons
Merri: yes it seems to be a standard one
BluBearWoman: Yes, gave me a new perspective on that scripture.
Host-GG: Gratitude is an all-out experience. It’s cheating to be grateful only for the good things that happen and to shun the bad. This isn’t to say that we want bad things to happen just, just that if we can be grateful for the soul-lessons inherent in the difficulties that befall us, then our souls will be able to grow and mature.
Host-GG: Otherwise, we never progress, because we fail to use the hardships that do us to become more loving, more patient, more present, more kind.
Merri: all that is true
Host-GG: He people whom I admire most in the world, say without reservation that the hardest things they had to face, cancer, the death of a child, a bankruptcy, or job loss, had been their greatest teachers and that they were grateful for the lessons. For me it has been dealing with chronic pain.
Merri: but it is hard to be grateful when bad things happen
Cris7: It is true that you become more grateful
Cris7: You learn to appreciate things when you know they won't always be there
Host-GG: When I was a senior in college I hurt my back. It was the first time my body ever betrayed me. Until them, I always considered it just a handy container to my mind where it wanted to go. But suddenly I couldn’t move, and I had to pay attention to it. Eventually I spent over a year in bed.
Host-GG: It’s been twenty years since then and my back continues to be one of my greatest teachers. I’ve learned a lot about patience (a hard lesson for me!) and impermanence (just because it hurts like hell today doesn’t mean it will tomorrow).
Host-GG: I’ve learned the value of physical discipline beyond limits that often I still don’t recognize until after I’ve exceeded them. That even doing everything ‘right’ is no guarantee I’ll be free from pain. I’ve learned to let go of my want it to be better, and I’ve learned about how much I still exist even if I am able to do absolutely nothing.
Host-GG: Now, in theory, I could have learned these things some other way, and perhaps I might have. But the truth of my life is that I have learned them through chronic pain ~~ and I am grateful for the lessons, if not for the pain.
Host-GG: Right now, write down the ten hardest or most terrible things that ever happened to you. As you look over the list, can you see the gifts that each of them brought?
Host-GG: When you write down this list, you need not share it with the group unless you wish.
Host-GG: Metaphysical teacher Daniel T. Peralta suggests that when you are suffering from some difficulty whose blessing is invisible to you, you say the following prayer:
Host-GG: “I am willing to see the gift in this experience. May the lessons be revealed to me, and may I become stronger and clearer.”
Host-GG: TEACH GRATITUDE to YOUR YOUNG ONES ~~ Celebrate what you want to see more of ~~ Ton Peters
Host-GG: Many of us in the baby-boom generation, once we were grown, rebelled against ‘Emily Post, pinky-in-the-air’ type manners. Because we rejected the phony, pro forma “Now what do you say to Mrs.- So- and-So” style of gratitude, lots of us neglected to teach our children how to connect to a true sense of gratefulness.
Host-GG: . As a result, the younger generations seem to have an over inflated sense of entitlement that blocks any sense of gratitude.
Host-GG: I think our neglect of this important aspect of spiritual guidance also comes from having been ‘scolded’ so much in our childhoods. How many of us were told we should eat our peas because ‘children were starving in China (or Armenia or India)’?
Host-GG: How many of us were told we should be grateful because we had a bicycle and running shoes and a lovely bedroom and so many other kids around the world have nothing except bare dirt? As I mentioned before, such remarks only serve to make us feel guilty and guilt just makes us want to avoid what ever is provoking it.
Host-GG: As recipients of such training, we already know a lot about what doesn't help foster an attitude of gratitude in children. But what does work? No surprisingly, the same things that work for adults ~~ teaching our kids an asset focus and a conscious counting of their blessings without a guilt trip
Host-GG: When you are helping your children with homework, if they are having trouble with something break the task into parts and ask them to figure out what part they already know how to do.
Host-GG: “OK, you have to write a report on Native American life in New Mexico. You’re great at knowing where to look for information, and you’re also good at describing out loud what you’ve read. Maybe you can read the book, then talk out loud to me and we’ll tape it. You can then transcribe it and you’ll have your report.”
Robwin: 5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: 6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
Robwin: Book of Hebrews
Host-GG: By reminding them of what they are good at, they will begin to focus on their strengths, and can begin to figure out how to use those resources of their own behalf.
Host-GG: Good reference, Robwin
Robwin: ty
Host-GG: Then, each night, I suggest you do the following bedtime ritual. As you put your children to bed, spend at least three minutes of private time, after books and bathroom and teeth-brushing, and ask them to tell you one thing they did that they appreciate themselves for and one thing someone else did that they are thankful for.
Host-GG: You can remind them of the things they learned about themselves while doing homework if they are having trouble thinking of something to appreciate in themselves. If you're not there, ask your spouse or the babysitter to perform this ritual with your children.
Host-GG: The more you help your children focus on what they appreciate about themselves and those around them, the more they will overflow with optimism, hopefulness, and joy.
Host-GG: Let's focus on this last paragraph and comment. Would this not work the same for neighbors or friends and adults alike?
BluBearWoman: yes it would
Robwin: yep
Host-GG: DEDICATE THIS MOMENT ~~ It is better to give and receive. ~~ Acts 20:15
Merri: positive thoughts
Host-GG: One of the wonderful effects of a sense of gratitude is the desire to spread the joy around. You are aware you have received something wonderful, and, in a spontaneous up-swelling of the heart want to give back a measure of the bounty.
Host-GG: There are all kinds of ways to do that, of course, from spontaneous acts of kindness, such as letting in the car that’s trying to nose in ahead of you, to planned giving such as a charitable donation.
Host-GG: But one of my favorite ways is something I call Dedicate This Moment. When you are enjoying something thoroughly and feeling thankful to be enjoying it, send the positive energy of that moment to someone in need.
Cris7: Like the starbucks where everyone in line paid ahead for over seven hours
Host-GG: Tell us about that Cris.
Host-GG: Please. We'll wait for you to type it.
Cris7: It was on the news awhile back someone prepaid for the driver in back of them and it kept happening for over seven hours
BluBearWoman: LOL
BluBearWoman: cool
Cris7: Everyone felt good about it
Host-GG: Did the news explain how that came about or who started it?
Cris7: Not who started it but how it snowballed and made a lot of people think that say
Cris7: day*
Cris7: It might have had a lasting effect on some of those treated
Host-GG: Interesting and you bet it had a lasting effect. Kindness always does.
Host-GG: But one of my favorite ways is something I call Dedicate This Moment. When you are enjoying something thoroughly and feeling thankful to be enjoying it, send the positive energy of that moment to someone in need.
Cris7: We remember the small acts of kindness especially when things have been less than positive
Merri: that reminds me of what Janie use to do, Cris
Host-GG: People I know have sent happy moments dancing to those who are paralyzed, moments of freedom to those suffering in prison, and moments of claiming themselves to those who have been abused. You can send energy from any positive experience for which you are grateful.
Host-GG: Please share with us Merri.
Merri: she would pay for the person behind her in the Macdonald's line
Host-GG: And that reminds me of the lady who paid for two homeless men who could only afford a cup of coffee.
Host-GG: She bought their breakfast
Merri: pass it forward! Or behind!
Merri: LOL
Host-GG: There are so many good, kind and wonderful people in the world. Let us pray it catches on
Host-GG: I always ask my friends to send me moments when they are lying on a beach somewhere as I work, and I always send the gratitude I feel at having meaningful work to those who have thankless, boring jobs.
Host-GG: Dedicate This Moment operates on the principle that all of life is, in some inexplicable way, connected, and that what happens to one part ~~ say, me ~~ can somehow affect another part ~~ you. It operates a lot, I think, like praying for someone; the positive energy generated can actually affect someone else’s health and well-being.
Host-GG: My favorite verification for the efficacy of prayer is studies that showed people could affect whether or not bacteria and mold grew in Petri dishes by praying for them. The bacteria and mold that were prayed for grew more rapidly and prolifically than those that were not.
BluBearWoman: hmm
Host-GG: The effect of positive energy sent across space and time has not yet been studied enough to be accepted fully by the scientific mind.
Host-GG: But do we need to wait for proof before giving this a try? After all, it certainly can do no harm, and if we are able to help others feel better through our send of gratitude, wouldn't that be absolutely wonderful?
Robwin: i thought studies had been done that showed people in the hospital healed faster when they were prayed for
Host-GG: Could very well be, Robwin. Hospitals, especially those in hospice care truly believe in prayer for healing.
Cris7: There are several Robwin
Host-GG: GIVE THANKS for YOUR BODY ~~ Just to be a blessing. Just to live is holy. ~~ Rabbi Abraham Herschel
Host-GG: This practice is particularly difficult for women, because our relationships with our bodies is fraught with so much difficult and dissatisfaction. The media reinforces such an impossible and singular image for young girls and women to live up to, and places so much emphasis on appearance, that virtually none of us ~~ even if we happen to match the ideal ~~ come out unscathed.
Host-GG: Eating disorders, plastic surgery, billions spent on make-up and clothes ~~ we all know the price that is paid. And all indications are that the obsession is spreading to boys and men, with calf and biceps implants, hair replacement, face lifts, and the use of steroids to build muscle mass on the rise.
Merri: something always needs to be fixed!!
Host-GG: Nothing helped me get over this issue more than a book done by photographer Francis Scavullo, in which he photographed the world’s most beautiful women. There they were, page after page of breathtaking women, teamed with comments from the women themselves.
Host-GG: Not one of them was satisfied with the way she looked. Everyone complained about something: their nose was too big, hair too thin, mouth too wide . . . That’s when I decided once and for all to stop being dissatisfied with the way I looked. If the world’s most beautiful women couldn't be satisfied, no one could, and so I might as well get over myself.
Host-GG: The truth is, no matter what we look like, we are all given bodies that keep us alive, and for that fact alone they are worthy of our appreciation.
BluBearWoman: LOL
Host-GG: My friend Any Bryner is the best teacher I know of how to live in a body. When he does yoga, he specifically thanks each body part for how it is doing. When he stretches his leg, for example, he says something like, “Thank you, leg, for holding me up so well when I went windsurfing this morning. I appreciate your being able to stretch this much. Perhaps some day you won't be able to go this far, and so today, I really enjoy your ability to go
Host-GG: As he stretches, he goes body part by body part, noticing with exquisite particularity what his body has done for him that day and what it is able to do in this moment, without wishing or hoping it could be different.
Host-GG: You can try the same thing the next time you work out. Or you can do it in bed some evening. Body part by body part, inside and out, give thanks for your incarnation: kidney, liver, lung, stomach; arms, eyes, neck toes. Thank about what each does and how well it does its job.
Host-GG: Well we have had forty five minutes of Attitudes of Gratitude. Let's discuss any questions or comments and then Robwin will share with us his OK for us. :-)
BluBearWoman: I kind of do this already but not to this extent
Host-GG: I noticed some typos, but am sure you all knew what my fingers intended. Sorry.
Host-GG: I do too, Blu.
BluBearWoman: I talk to my body when I am showering and dressing
Host-GG: Especially with my allergies these days.
BluBearWoman: Lory have you tried those saline washed for the sinuses?
BluBearWoman: washes
Cris7: I found the article URL; seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/snohomishcountynews/2004085605_falalalalatte21m.html
Host-GG: Actually, it is very little different than talking to Beau or Miss Princes.

Host-GG: Thank you Cris for the URL and no I haven't tried the saline washes, Blu. I would probably drown myself. LOL
BluBearWoman: Actually they really help
BluBearWoman: I like the kind in a can the best
Host-GG: My sinuses are quite dry. It is the coughing that is giving me real trouble.
BluBearWoman: the saline washes the allergens from your sinuses
Host-GG: Ah, I see. I shall talk to my E N and T Doctor.
Host-GG: Any other comments about attitudes? If not, Robwin, we are ready.
Robwin: On March 23, 1839, the initials, "O.K." are first published in the Boston Morning Post. Meant as an abbreviation for "oll correct", a popular slang misspelling of "all correct". Ok steadily made its way into the everyday speech of Americans.
Robwin: useless information like that has always fascinated me
BluBearWoman: LOL
Cris7: Trivia is interesting you never know when you might need it
Robwin: absolutely